Monday, December 20, 2010

The Requiem

I need help. I am completely overwhelmed and irrational. The phantom menace has been after me in my day and night dreams. I exceptionally need to run outside of my skin. Time is pulled apart from reality. Help. Help. Help. I can’t find the next breath. I choke on my desperation.

There is an undercurrent of anxiety crashing along through the hardness of my veins. It refuses my independence. Please rescue me out of the skin and defend me from this brain.

Don’t you know,
Don’t you know,
Don’t you know,
That I hurt, I hurt, I hurt.

We are just alike, but no one can know me. Not even me. Things happen to me, not with me. My skin must come undone. There’s only one thing left to do.
I am not ignorant as to the thought the world shares of me. Some declare she’s strong, she’s made it this far, through difficulties before. She’ll do nothing.

I wrestle time to the ground. I design my fate. I decide when and what. And I’ve decided.

2 comments:

castorgirl said...

I'm one of those who think you are strong. But, your strength doesn't make you immune from pain and struggles. Just because we've been in this low place before, it doesn't mean that it hurts any less, or that it's any less difficult to be there again.

I hope you can cling on until the waves of pain and anxiety buffer against you.

Please seek help when needed.

Sending positive thoughts your way,
CG

Ivory said...

"I need to be out of my own skin."

I've said that before to my T. He had no idea how much I needed to be out of my skin, to step back and feel safe and normal and not be afraid of myself. I hope you have someone to talk to. I hope you fight your way thru this - wrestle it to the ground...