Sunday, November 02, 2008

Dysfunctional family weekend

I can't believe how long it's been since we've written. There isn't much time to update everyone on what has been going on.

We miss our home in Georgia very much. We just had "family weekend" at the residential facility I'm in and it was such a joke, at least where my "family" is concerned. They didn't know it was family weekend and without my permission decided to fly here to see me. My therapist kept telling me to tell them not to come, but even if I had the courage, (which I don't) there was no phone number to reach them by nor do I have their e-mail. So when they showed up they were in for a surprise. My therapist set up an appointment with them, for which they were typically 30 minutes late. The therapist told them there was no point in them staying because the whole weekend was about family therapy and he didn't think they're staying would contribute anything useful. They came back after the day ended, but I wish they hadn't. We all sat around staring at the elephant in the room and talking around the elephant in the room, but no one speaking of it. I told them goodbye, lied and said I loved them, and now I probably won't see them again for six months.

My head is splitting open it hurts so bad. I drove my car for the first time tonight since February, when my incarceration back into the mental health world began. There is talk of me leaving in a month. I hope so. I'm ready to get back to my dysfunctional world, lose all the weight, and become suicidal again. Well, I guess I'll leave the suicidal part off. But I'm not interested in keeping the weight on; I've been honest about that from the beginning. I've restricted all weekend. Only dinner. Tonight, my defunct husband thought it would be a great idea if we had a smoothie from Smoothie King for dinner. I was and still am addicted to the one that is 336 calories, 6 grams of fat, 8 grams of protein, and 11 grams of carbs. It is delish. Back when I could exercise I would have them put frozen yogurt in it. But I can't afford that 100 calories now.

As for recovery, I am interested in working with my members, establishing better communication, giving them more of a say in the everyday matters of our life. Right now, a new member has evidenced and she is a protector. I find them all fascinating...sometimes. This member protects by making me sleepy. Usually comes after any meal and she puts me to sleep. Maybe so I won't feel the guilt of eating, maybe so I won't purge it, I don't know.

Well, time to take something for this splitting headache. Hope the world spins well for all who read. Take care and stay posted.