Sunday, September 21, 2008

Gloomy Sunday

I'm on my second cup of coffee. It is my only delight these days. I have many assignments to work on for therapy in this residential treatement. I mapped out my system's members yesterday but am unhappy with the results. It doesn't feel it adequately represents everyone in the system, probably because I don't think everyone participated. Some are hiding in the shadows, and I will have to be okay with that for now. I told everyone they could be identified however they wanted; by their name, their job, by a letter of the alphabet, by a symbol. I feel some held back and I am learning not to pass judgement on them. If they are too frightened to come out, even incognito, then let it be.

We have learned that Mary, a 10 year old child, was responsible for burning us. She was finally overriden on Friday after burning us eleven times. The staff wanted to take us to urgent care to have the wounds looked at but we refused. It's a stresser we don't want. I can't handle it. So we are tending to the wounds with special soap, antibiotic ointment, and bandages. It doesn't hurt at all, but you wouldn't believe it to see it. The scary part is Mary is not satisfied. I feel her presence and no one feels safe right now. The residential T. comes in today to talk with us. We tried to warn him on Friday about what was happening but Mary is a strong force. She waited until the last minute on Friday, when almost all day staff was gone, to let us show the nurse what had been done.

Blah blah blah

Saturday for our outing we went to Borders and stopped for a coffee. It's amazing how much people with eating disorders want coffee. In the morning it's the first thing we do: get weighed and run upstairs to put our name on the coffee sign up sheet. And yesterday when we went to Borders it was the first thing we did: go to the coffee shop inside the store. There are two things people with e.d.'s crave: coffee and cigarettes. I don't smoke. Never have. Can't stand it.

So Borders was our outing. We got the littles more stickers. They made a sticker book and love collecting stickers to put in it. ME got a pen holder that is black with skeletons, and I got two books, Crank and Emma by Jane Austen. I am really fallinbg in love with the Classics. Must be why I love English classes so much.

We were bored last night so we colored our hair more pink. Before there were just streaks around the face. Now we've added more and I'm not really liking it. Alot of the blonde was covered so the hair color is brown and pink. I don't like it. ME does. She wants to put some purple in there and get a nose ring. As a group, we vetoed it.

So we have woken up to a very gray Sunday with nothing planned. Sarah Maclauchlin has a song called "Gloomy Sunday." It's about suicide and rejoining a loved one that has died. Our Sunday is gloomy, but we do not have suicide on the brain. We do have one therapy group to break up Sunday's monotony, but that is all. The day will be busy with working on therapy assignments, completing art projects, eating food, trying not to purge food, trying not to restrict food, and drinking coffee. Sounds like a plan to me.