Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Beautiful Goodbye

Disclaimer: It is hard for me to get these words out. They dry and crumble up just when I want to release them into the vastness of this universe. The writing is not mine. It is short and choppy. The words did not approach me with the eloquence they often carry in their heart. However . . .

It was a beautiful goodbye, and I'm glad it happened the way it did. On Monday, I said goodbye to Therapist.

I realized when I was saying goodbye that I was resentful and bitter about the way we were treated this year by Therapist. It all began earlier this year when we appeared to Therapist broken, suicidal, and defeated over our job. It appeared he was ignoring us and not taking seriously the depth of our despair. He kept trying to shore us up with positive reinforcement, which was so antagonistic. I thought he didn't care and wasn't listening to us. Now we realize he was only acting in our best interest and letting us stand on our own two feet. As much as I loath to say it - and as much as it hurt when it happened - we learned a valuable lesson: we can make it on our own without using Therapist as our constant crutch. I will miss that crutch.

Nevertheless, we said goodbye. The bitterness and resentment I felt are gone, but I'm not sure the relationship could be the same. The bond was broken, and time won't bridge the break back to him. I cried all last night. It isn't easy. It makes me hurt at my heart. 

In any case, I think every now and then we will pop in on Therapist. I think emotionally it was goodbye, an end to a beautiful therapeutic relationship. However, the door has been left open, and as they say in AA, “We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.” I will not shut the door on how we evolved over the past nine years with Therapist, and I will keep the door open to the possibilities the future might bring. . . in and out of Therapist's office.