Friday, March 19, 2010

I'm a piece of sh*t.

I can't get happy. If I eat, I'm worthless. If I restrict, I'm worthless.

Spent over two hours in the gym today. Tried to leave after an hour but I just couldn't. I thought of all the calories I wouldn't be burning so I stayed.

I can't talk or think my way out of this. I try to tell myself it's just food; it can't hurt me or make me dirty. But it screams back a different message.

I'm afraid of where this is going. I'm such a piece of sh*t.

4 comments:

Grace said...

You are NOT a piece of shit!!! I understand those feelings so well - and it doesn't matter if I say it or not, my saying it won't make you believe it. But I will just say that I do NOT think that about you. You are a beautiful person in a lot of pain. I am glad to "see" you...I've missed you (which confirms you're not shit -because I don't miss shit...)
(((MIS)))
Gracie

Ivory said...

Try finding the gray area with food so that you aren't eating too much, and not starving yourself. Then you might not feel so bad. I'm worried about you, keep trying.

Ethereal Highway said...

You're not a piece of shit.

Missing In Sight said...

Grace,

Thank you for your comment. I've missed being *seen.* I appreciate what you said about me. Maybe one day I'll believe it.


Ethereal Highway,

It's good to hear from you. Thank you for your comment. I appreciate it every time you stop by.


Ivory,

Thanks for your suggestion. Hopefully my meeting with the dietician will take the guesswork out of how much I really should be eating. Maybe I'll relax then. Thanks for your comment and your concern. I really value both.