Thursday, July 16, 2009

Preventing a fall.

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude today, but it turns out to be more challenging than with which I can cope.

Today's meditation hits home for me, and I've studied it as if there were an exam at the end of this post. The quote is by Thomas Fuller and he says, "A stumble may prevent a fall."

Yesterday I definitely stumbled. Cancelled on my T and dietician. Binged and purged. I came close to acting out with self-harm but was spared from the behavior, or rather I stopped myself from acting out self-destructively with matches.

One can definitely say yesterday I stumbled, but I will not let it prevent a fall. I got right back up this morning and had breakfast according to my meal plan. I'm reaching out by posting to my blog site and listening to the feedback of others.

My T always says that therapy is like a toddler learning how to walk; it should be expected that someone learning to walk is going to fall down or stumble or fall head first into the carpet. I'm definitely stumbling around, but that shouldn't rob me of my self-esteem. Life is full of hazards and "dangerous" attempts at recovery. It takes a few tumbles before we can learn from them and prevent ourselves from taking a more serious fall. An occasional stumble may be a warning AND a blessing. It's only if we learn from them can it be a blessing, and eventually learn from our stumbles so we won't fall in the future.

The affirmation for the day, according to the book Believing in Myself, is "My self esteem profits when I profit from my mistakes."

1 comment:

Ivory said...

Okay, don't look at this as a "fall". Look at it as a necessary detour to learning a bit of a lesson. I think our lives are full of detours. Sometimes, I get lost on them, but I learn something from them, just the same.

It's good that you are reaching out to others, that is one of your most valuable attributes! Hang in there and don't let one slip, become the fall.