Lost and found

I’m finding my Husband again. Today was his fourth treatment of ECT (of which I will speak more in a later post), his second bi-lateral shock, and I think I’m starting to see results in him. He is less withdrawn, more engaged, and literally there seems to be a light coming back into his eyes. His days of being glued to the bed are lessening and he shows interest in things other than dying. It’s been hard living with his illness and coping with mine. How hopeful it would be if we were both on the mend.




After Husband’s ECT treatment today, we decided to go out. I had some workout clothes to return to TJ Maxx (I ended up buying more!), and he wanted to eat at Olive Garden. I am still not in a place mentally where I can eat out and not feel guilty, but I wasn’t about to say no to the first time he showed interest in food other than cereal. So we went. I already knew what the “safe” choice was: soup, salad, and bread.






I had one bowl of Minestrone, 1 breadstick, and 1 plate of salad. Though I didn’t go overboard, E.D. still wouldn’t let me feel good at the milestone of eating in public, eating healthy, and doing so only with earning my food on a measly 3.2 mile run in the morning.

But E.D. can talk all he wants. It doesn’t mean I have to listen. And as many of you know, night time is the hardest time for me. It's when the E.D. thoughts and self-destructive thoughts are at their peak. So I’ve prepared to occupy my time by finishing my book, Looking for Alaska, and watching probably the dumbest movie ever, “Grownups” with Adam Sandler.

On the plus side, I treated myself to OPI’s new Shatter nail polish in Black Shatter and OPI’s other color, “Shorts Story” for the underneath color.




So I’m looking at the positives of the day: My wonderfully made legs ran me 3.2 miles, I ate lunch out with Husband, and I have some cool new nail polishes to try!
I hope you did something positive for yourself today! You deserve it!