Tuesday, August 13, 2013
My words fail me, like every other part of me does.
I wish I could, but I can not.
I want to quit, cease to exist, give up, but there is something in me that makes me keep going,
No matter how low I go, I can not let go.
I wish this part of me to die. I would like to enjoy giving up.
All arrows point to how worthless I am. Clearly there is something in me missing, something deficient. It’s hard to live always sub-standard.
Others can accomplish what I can not. And all I want to do is let go.
Maybe one day I will show them. Maybe I will not be as strong as they assume. Maybe I will break instead of constantly bending. I’m certainly due.
I’m so tired at every turn. Exhausted.
I can not imagine how this will be worth it.
I can not imagine anything other than letting go.
I can not imagine any other way out.
They will treat this, I know, as a fever in my head, coming and going, but it is not.
And I know they’ll never know, and that is the saddest thing to ever know.
But I know, and that’s all I need to know.
Reading the ramblings of Missing In Sight at 7:00 PM