Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I can probably thing of one second of my life where I felt free, not tied down by the rules and laws of whatever vice I am about to give to. I look at the girls in my dining hall at school and none "look" like they cut, burn, or have an eating disorder. I'm sorry, but I feel that our addictions put us in a special category where you have this 6th sense about other people. I search the walls of my campus and see no one like me. I certainly don't see anything off the chain like me and D.I.D.

Not that I'm anything special or atypical from the next mixed up person. What I'm trying to say is.....i don't know.

I did have a major let down in my behavior. I probably would feel better about myself if I had gotten out of the house today, but I set myself up for failure by isolating, and the outcome wasn't healthy.

I go tomorrow to terminate my relationship with my therapist. The drive is too far, I'm getting no where with her, she always ASSumes to know with whom she is talking.

I like her because she has gone above and beyond the call of duty. As a T she is great. Makes me less hopeful b/c she was recommended to it. I don't know.

What does the blogging find important and special about therapists? Have you found The One?

4 comments:

Wandering Coyote said...

All I know is that it can take a really long time to find The One. But it's worth it in the end.

cbtish said...

LOL "ASSumes" — great way to describe it.

"As a T she is great." No, she's useless. A good therapist speaks with genuine warmth to who you really are, even if who you really are is well hidden. And you'll know this in the first session, you'll feel that true connection deep down.

So with the next therapist, have just one session. Think about how it felt. Write about it. If there's no true connection, move on. There are many good therapists around, but they need finding amongst the fakes.

Ivory said...

I am concerned that you are having to change therapists. I, too, often isolate myself and the outcome is never good.

But, I have found a great therapist and I was lucky enough to get him on the first try. Actually, I worked for him so I was aware of what kind of person he is and how he cares about his clients. I never meant to become his client, but with DID, it sort of flopped out of the bag. He knew something was up. I guess if one wants to hide DID you don't go working for a shrink!

I think the reason we have been so successful is because this is a very small community. His practice was small because he had been here only a few years. I not only worked for him but I know his family as friends. There is a lot about our relationship that screams it can't work, but it has worked because we work at it - we have very strict boundaries. But above all, he was willing to, and had the time to give me in those first couple of traumatic years as I adjusted to who I am and DID. I'm not sure that now, I would be so lucky because his life is busier and I'm busier.

I hope you find someone willing to get past their own issues and help you with yours.

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