My words fail me,
like every other part of me does.
I wish I could,
but I can not.
I want to quit, cease to
exist, give up, but there is something in me that makes me keep going,
No matter how low
I go, I can not let go.
I wish this part
of me to die. I would like to enjoy
giving up.
All arrows point
to how worthless I am. Clearly there is something
in me missing, something deficient. It’s
hard to live always sub-standard.
Others can
accomplish what I can not. And all I
want to do is let go.
Maybe one day I
will show them. Maybe I will not be as
strong as they assume. Maybe I will
break instead of constantly bending. I’m
certainly due.
I’m so tired at
every turn. Exhausted.
I can not imagine
how this will be worth it.
I can not imagine
anything other than letting go.
I can not imagine
any other way out.
They will treat
this, I know, as a fever in my head, coming and going, but it is not.
And I know they’ll
never know, and that is the saddest thing to ever know.
But I know, and that’s all I need to know.
