THE NOT-SO BIG REVEAL OUT OF HIDING!

Always have to start with Maybelline.  She's the beginning and the end of my world.

Today sucks.  I hate today.  I feel depressed because I'm fat.  I am having some distressing gastrointestinal issues going on, and they are wreaking havoc on my body and making me feel fat . . . . which in turn makes me depressed.  So I've been hiding in my apartment all day.

So I thought of one thing that might make me feel better today which is to stop hiding behind an anonymous screen and reveal my picture and identity. 

I’ve been thinking about revealing my identity for a while, but up until 2015 I was studying to be a teacher or working as a teacher, and I didn’t think it would be prudent to expose myself in such a vulnerable way in such an important role.  However, I’m not working now, so I can take more risks, and I’m ready to take some now.  I would say my life is boring and safe right now in many ways.  I’m not taking chances in recovery.  I hold up the same walls to Therapist that I usually do.  I just play it safe and if you always do the things you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always gotten.

And for some reason, I want more now.  I’m hungry for some type of change.  Something to shake up things.  (I don't know who is saying this because it's not coming from me.) I don’t know what change looks like, what it is, or how to get it.  Normally I hate change.  Still do.  And when it comes time to enacting change, I’ll probably avoid it.  But for now I’ll take my first step and reveal my identity.  


So my name is Becca, and these are some of pictures below.

Hi!  I'm Becca and this is my frizzy, curly hair.

Maybelline and I fell asleep together, and Husband was mean enough to take a picture.

Maybelline loves to rest on my chest.  I think it's my heartbeat she likes to hear.

Always snuggling.  She is my world.

1 of 2 pictures without Maybelline.  What can I say?

Well, now you know.  My name is Becca and I have curly hair.  Not quite an NBC reveal, but it will have to do.  I'll change my avatar soon on IG and Twitter.  I invite you to look at my Instagram page @Run_Becca_Run if you would like to see more pictures of me, Maybelline, and all things inspiration.

I'd love to hear from you!

How do you feel about revealing or not revealing your identity?

Does anything scare you about it?

Acceptance

I don't know if I can do this. I'm not much better but a little. The meds my psycho-iatrist gave me have helped a little, but I still have a hard time "soothing" my brain. It always feels disruptive and a bit like ADD. It's a mad world.

In any case, I was reading the meditation for today and though it was pertinent to me. It was about how we always like one thing, but don't stop to consider it's flip side. For every positive we get in our life there is bound to be a a negative.

For example, a couple plants a beautiful shady tree in their backyard. They enjoy the shade and coolness of the big branches and leaves. Then winter comes and the leaves have turned brown and have fallen to the ground. The couple gets upset because their beautiful shady tree has turned into a mess of work to get all the rotting leaves up off the ground that was spoiling their outside time.

The point is, there is always a flip-side to what we like most. If we translate this to our human relationships, for what we like most in another person, there is always an undesirable trait. That's just human nature. It doesn't mean we should give up our relationship. It means people are what they are. We are our height, we our race, we are our backgrounds. To take all of Nature's gifts in people and then complain about the downside is simply foolish and maybe a little immature.

The flip arguement can be made for ourselves. We are all endowed with incredible gifts in ourselves. To think that we are all bad and have nothing to offer is rediculous. We have the same traits as others. We have things to offer and things we'd rather keep hidden.

Point is, self esteem is not based on our changing but accepting what we are.