Sounds of silence

I haven't posted lately. I've been quiet. At least on the outside. Things are revving up on the inside. I haven't posted because I have nothing to say. I'm reading everyone else's post and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.

Why don't I have anything to contribute? Why don't I have anything special to offer the blogging community? Why am I such a loser?

More specifically, why am I so fat? Why is everyone better than me? Why can't I hold down a job? Why is everyone prettier than me? Why, why, why, why, why this, why that, why what?

I feel hopeless and think I would be better off dead. I AM NOT, I REPEAT, I AM NOT suicidal. Would it matter if I were? Wouldn't my family be better off without me? I would be better off without me.

Does this sound like I feel sorry for myself? I don't. I feel nothing but contempt for myself. I hate myself and it just won't go away.

Pics of my new tattoo

Here are the pics of my tattoo. I'm still a bit unsure, but I can't go back now. No worries. It's growing on me. The tattoo artist said the lavendar would fade and turn to white and I should give it a couple of weeks to heal. In addition, he had to tattoo through some old self-harm scars, so that complicated the tattoo a little bit.

I think the mixed feelings are coming from my alters/members. Some like it, and some are against it. In any case, I'm already planning the next tattoo; this time for my back. I'm thinking a Lotus flower. Any suggestions from my fellow tattooies?