I haven't posted lately. I've been quiet. At least on the outside. Things are revving up on the inside. I haven't posted because I have nothing to say. I'm reading everyone else's post and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.
Why don't I have anything to contribute? Why don't I have anything special to offer the blogging community? Why am I such a loser?
More specifically, why am I so fat? Why is everyone better than me? Why can't I hold down a job? Why is everyone prettier than me? Why, why, why, why, why this, why that, why what?
I feel hopeless and think I would be better off dead. I AM NOT, I REPEAT, I AM NOT suicidal. Would it matter if I were? Wouldn't my family be better off without me? I would be better off without me.
Does this sound like I feel sorry for myself? I don't. I feel nothing but contempt for myself. I hate myself and it just won't go away.
Welcome to Missing In Sight. You may call us Becca. We deal with Dissociative Identity Disorder, Anorexia, and more. We want to share our experiences, hope, and inspiration with you so we all know we aren't alone and suffering by ourselves. We're here Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and sometimes in between, but you can reach out to us by leaving a comment, tweeting us, or using Facebook. The links are on this page.! We're glad we found each other! Let's talk!
1 comment:
Missing,
I could say all the things that your therapist would say, like, we would all miss you (we would), what about your family (what about them?). I could even suggest you go see your T (maybe you should).
All this week, I have felt the same. I want to be able to lose weight, I wish I had friends, I wish I could contribute something useful, why is my job beginning to suck, why?
Truth is, when I feel like this, I sometimes sit back and just read. The best thing to happen to me has been the blogging community. I understand that each of us cannot always post and post and post with out burn out. My T even "forbids" me from getting online sometimes because I get buried in it and start having problems.
I think you did what you should have done - let everyone know you are in a slump. I bet you find a lot of support to hold you up until your "bloggers writer's block" is over!
Really, I care about you and I don't expect mountains of contributions from anyone. Hang in there, take some time away, or just read until inspiration comes.
I have found support and insight and experience here, I'm sure I'll see more...
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