Missing in Sight

The anxiety has not been as terrible today, but has been there nonetheless. We only had our most boring American Lit class today, not b/c American Lit is boring but b/c the professor is snoozeville. He could put an insomniac to sleep. The self-destructive tendencies have lessoned today. No cutting and I've kept to the prescribed amount of tranqs we're supposed to. After my first class, I discovered my second class was canceled (love that!) so we took our lunch hour off from financial aid and took a Pilates class. That was at 12:30. It is 9:00 now. I can already feel the soreness in my body. I love it. The class was an hour and after that I did an hour of cardio. We then went back to work and waited for the day to end.

we finished our pieces of Word Photos. We wrote about three things as was instructed. We wrote about losing our dog due to problems with her hips and elbows, we wrote about graduating with an Associates degree in Accounting (hate it!!) and we wrote about cutting. I like the cutting piece only because it seems to be the most creative. The content and style and technique are very creative.

I don't have much to say tonight. Sometimes you just have those nights. I don't feel good about what I ate today and I feel fat. I jumped, rather, tip toed, on the scale this morning and it told me I had gained a couple of pounds. I thought, no f'ing way. i don't. that's why i gave up the scale a long time ago. as long as i feel little in my big pants then i can relax.

perhaps there's nothing to write about b/c i've been writing these word photos for two hours. you would think three words wouldn't take that long but I like every word to have a meaning, a place, and a purpose.

we keep promising the littles a toy but feel so stupid getting them one, not to mention the money. i think if there's time before the jack ass we will take them to the Build-A-Bear shop at the mall and let them build their own pink bear. the bears we've slept with have been around so long so it's about time for something else.

i'm done tonight. i can't believe it.